Day 3: Grace for the Caregiver's Mistakes

 Day 3

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 12:9–10

• Focus: You will have moments where you lose your temper, feel resentment, or just want to escape. God’s grace is sufficient for those exact moments. His power is made perfect not in your flawless performance as a caregiver, but in your weakness.

• Reflection: Am I holding myself to an impossible standard of perfection? How can I extend the same grace to myself that God freely gives me?

Day 2: When Patience Wears Thin

Day 2

• Scripture: Colossians 3:12–14 & James 1:2–4

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• Focus: Vascular dementia can bring unexpected behaviors that test your absolute limits. Scripture frames patience not as a suppressed emotion, but as a fruit of the Spirit that grows under pressure.

• Reflection: When I feel frustration rising today, can I pause for a ten-second prayer asking the Spirit to supply the patience I lack?

Day 1: The Call to Honor and the Promise of Strength

Day 1

• Scripture: Isaiah 40:29–31 & Ephesians 6:2 

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  Focus: Honoring a parent through caregiving is holy work, but it is not meant to be done in your own power. Acknowledge your exhaustion to God; His strength is specifically promised to those who have run out of their own.

• Reflection: Where am I trying to rely on my own stamina instead of leaning into God's daily provision of strength?

7-Day Caregiver Strength Study Plan

The following outline is Gemini-generated plan to help someone taking care of a parent with vascular dementia.

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Gemini: Taking care of a parent with vascular dementia is a deeply heavy, sacred, and exhausting journey. Watching someone you love change while giving your own energy daily to care for them requires a level of grace and patience that feels impossible to generate on your own.

This 7-day study plan is structured to meet you right in the middle of that exhaustion, focusing on sustaining your spirit, finding daily patience, and resting in God's grace. 

Day 1: The Call to Honor and the Promise of Strength

• Scripture: Isaiah 40:29–31 & Ephesians 6:2 

• Focus: Honoring a parent through caregiving is holy work, but it is not meant to be done in your own power. Acknowledge your exhaustion to God; His strength is specifically promised to those who have run out of their own.

• Reflection: Where am I trying to rely on my own stamina instead of leaning into God's daily provision of strength?

Day 2: When Patience Wears Thin

• Scripture: Colossians 3:12–14 & James 1:2–4

• Focus: Vascular dementia can bring unexpected behaviors that test your absolute limits. Scripture frames patience not as a suppressed emotion, but as a fruit of the Spirit that grows under pressure.

• Reflection: When I feel frustration rising today, can I pause for a ten-second prayer asking the Spirit to supply the patience I lack?

Day 3: Grace for the Caregiver's Mistakes

• Scripture: 2 Corinthians 12:9–10

• Focus: You will have moments where you lose your temper, feel resentment, or just want to escape. God’s grace is sufficient for those exact moments. His power is made perfect not in your flawless performance as a caregiver, but in your weakness.

• Reflection: Am I holding myself to an impossible standard of perfection? How can I extend the same grace to myself that God freely gives me?

Day 4: Processing the Grief of Changing Dynamics

• Scripture: Psalm 34:17–18 & Lamentations 3:22–24

• Focus: There is a unique grief in watching a parent's cognitive health decline. God is intimately close to the brokenhearted. It is okay to mourn the relationship you used to have while caring for the person who is here now.

• Reflection: Have I allowed myself the space to honestly grieve the changes I am seeing in my parent?

Day 5: Renewing Your Mind Moment by Moment

• Scripture: Philippians 4:6–7 & Romans 12:12

• Focus: Dementia care is unpredictable. When anxiety or overwhelm hits, the Bible points us toward a peace that surpasses understanding—a peace that guards your heart when the environment around you feels chaotic.

• Reflection: What specific worry about my parent's care can I actively hand over to God today so I don't carry it alone?

Day 6: The Sacred Value of Invisible Service

• Scripture: Matthew 25:40 & Galatians 6:9

• Focus: So much of dementia caregiving happens behind closed doors, unnoticed by the world. But every act of service, every patient response, and every gentle touch is seen by God. You are serving Christ directly through your parent.

• Reflection: How does knowing that Jesus views my daily, invisible tasks as done unto Him change my perspective on the hard days?

Day 7: Snatching Pockets of Sabbath Rest

• Scripture: Matthew 11:28–30 & Psalm 23

• Focus: Jesus explicitly invites the weary and burdened to come to Him for rest. Rest for a caregiver isn't always a long vacation; often, it's a quiet 5 minutes sitting with the Shepherd, letting Him restore your soul.

• Reflection: How can I intentionally build small, guilt-free spaces of rest into my weekly schedule to allow God to replenish me?

A Daily Framework for Your Study

To make this practical when your time is limited, try using this simple 3-Step Method each morning or during a quiet moment in the day:

1. Read: Read the daily scripture passages slowly, perhaps writing down a single verse that anchors you.

2. Pour Out: Spend two minutes in completely honest prayer. Tell God exactly where you are hurting, where you feel inadequate, and where you need Him to step in.

3. Breath Prayer: Choose a short phrase to repeat silently throughout the day when transitions get tough (e.g., inhale: "Your grace is sufficient," exhale: "Your strength is my shield").

truth: you're special more than you know

A repost from my FB account as I feel a lot of people need this encouragement:

May all those who think low of themselves be reminded of God's truths. A special shout out to those in need of physical healing: if God wonderfully created you and knows the very number of your hairs, he too can powerfully restore every broken part of you. Trust :)

Know, however, that even if the physical healing doesn't happen in this lifetime, you have the assurance of God's comfort and endless joy and peace. :)

Heart reversals

When I first took to the Bible, verses like the one above are offensive to me. In an event that a friend once invited me, there was a mention of women needing to submit to their husbands. When he asked me what I thought about his church's event, I had to admit that I didn't like it. The command on submission just didn't sit well with my feminist upbringing.

I don't know what happened, but I just don't hold the same beliefs I had then. All I know is that the more you read on scripture, the more you will be saddened at how misrepresented God is to the world. Reading the whole scripture could truly make you understand the heart of God. He is not a killjoy. He definitely doesn't think women to be second-class citizens. Just think about the first witnesses of the resurrected Christ--women. In those times, women's testimonies do not hold up in court. If our God think lowly of women, would he have shown himself first to women--knowing that women's testimonies aren't taken seriously in that time? But instead, he chose to reveal his risen self first to women, when his very message hinged on his resurrection? If that isn't trust and huge belief in women, then I don't know what is.

Heart reversals are possible with God. :)

There are still so many things I'm ashamed to confess I haven't done for God. But I know, God is in control in my life. I maybe hardened in some areas, but I believe God is not done with me yet. He will soften those hardened parts when He sees fit, and at a perfect time according to His timeline, not mine. :)

Is Jesus Christ conceited?

"This Jesus is one conceited bloke!!!"

That was the first impression I got when I picked up the book, The Purpose-Driven Life, by Rick Warren. I didn't have the beliefs I have now when I "tried" to read the book then. I say "tried" because I was unable to finish reading the book. It's supposed to be a 40-day reading exercise or spiritual journey, but I couldn't even read past Day 3. The reason I could not proceed to finishing the book was because I kept thinking and couldn't fathom how conceited the fellow described in the book was. I mean, why does He kept saying that the only way to life is through him.

Every efforts we do here on earth will be for naught if they're done outside the purpose He had for our life. So yeah, we're busy, living a life, and all that; but in essence they're described as mere "aimless distractions." The book mentioned something about us--each individual person--being born unto this earth by no accident. We are created and planned by God even before our parents made us or even if some of us came to this world came to be labeled as "conceived by accidents". It rambled on how we are wonderfully-made; every fiber of our being pre-designed by the Creator himself: our race, the very exact time we inhale our first breath as we come out of our mother's womb. Of course, at that time I was reading these words all I could think of was--"Great! I'm wonderfully-made? What kind of God creates a child who has problematic uterus. No child at the age of 12 and onward should be suffering from a uterine condition that only brings pain and erratic profuse bleeding during periods." IF that's the GOD who calls himself LOVE and is the one who created me, then I surely don't want to do anything with that kind of God. There's just so many inconsistencies!

Such were my thought processes then, some three or five years ago. While I may have never gotten to finishing the book, I certainly reached to a different conclusion about Jesus some other ways. Curiosity killed the cat, they say. But my curiosity brought LIFE. Not only did I learn that Jesus wasn't conceited, I learned that I actually didn't understand the word at all. So, I opened a dictionary and find out what the word means. According to Collin's Learner's dictionary, conceited is the word used when you are showing your disapproval of the fact that someone is too proud of their abilities or achievements. The dictionary lists the following as its synonymous words: self-important, arrogant, bigheaded (informal), cocky, egotistical, full of oneself, immodest, narcissistic, too big for one's boots or breeches, or simply VAIN.

Reading the Bible, made me see how different my perception of God was to how He actually was and IS. A conceited, self-important being will definitely not pursue you. He is relentless. You may give up on him, but each day that you wake up and discover that you are still breathing is a strong testament of how he hasn't given up on us, on you. Somewhere and sometime in your future, God will catch up on you. The amazing thing is He will send in a cavalry of people or circumstances that sooner or later, you'll either acknowledge he is God indeed, and allow him to have a say in your life, or you run away from him permanently.

His hope is for us to do the former and allow us to experience true, unconditional love and that can only come from the source himself.

Pure, unadulterated love.

This kind of experience will never be found until we truly realize and understand the very meaning of the cross, of why Jesus died for us. Do you think a self-important being will go through the process of being subjected to humiliation, flogging, to death on the cross just so the sins of the world will be forgiven by the holy God? Will an egotistical being would even lower himself, agree to step down from his throne in heaven just to be born as a babe, to grow and live in a depraved world? The person of Jesus Christ did all just that so that we will be redeemed and be saved from the eternal judgment of death. He certainly didn't have to, but he--did.

If you have difficulty in believing in Jesus Christ because of what you see other Christians do (judgmental, holier than though etc.), my best advice is to not stop in discovering who Jesus really is because of us who messed up. Know the character of Jesus as revealed in the Bible. Only he can represent him best, and those who are truly filled by the Holy Spirit! Don't give up on asking Jesus to reveal himself to you.

I'm writing this as a reminder that I myself needs more growing and more reading. Of late, I've been remiss in my Bible reading and it's when I notice that doubts and fears begin to crop up again. So, I guess the warning is true about not getting yourself idle as it can be the devil's playground.

NOTE TO SELF: Anchor back and FOCUS on JESUS!!! :)

Happy Birthday, to me!!! Deep gratitude to Our Lord JESUS CHRIST for another year. For another chance.

wac surprise

so as usual, i couldn't keep to my promise of writing more posts. being busy is definitely out of the question as i still have not taken actionable steps to change my unemployment situation. perhaps because at the back of my mind, there's no one out there to reach my little corner of the web. thus, there's no pressure to write.

the beauty of cyberspace is its ability to put yourself out there, yet remain unseen or unheard. experts call it the paradox of our time: being disconnected in a VERY connected world. in typing each post, i often think why i bother when i clearly don't have readers. plus, people seem to be allergic when the topic is about Jesus. so imagine my surprise when after a few weeks of not checking my blogs and e-mails, i found a notification that I have 'comments waiting moderation'. i thought it was just SPAM, and behold - a legitimate comment:

haha, who would have thought that someone from WAC would actually contact me and consider quoting some of the posts here to the church's newsletter!!!

i wonder how mr. jt came upon this blog. i tried googling WAC, Word at the Centre JMALL, and other search terms to see if there's a hit that would lead to this corner of the web. true to my expectation, my blog didn't appear in any of the searches, haha! i wasn't kidding when i said i don't have readers. the only plausible explanation, is through image search. of course, i could have asked, but for some reason, i'd like to think that this is the jokester's hand. perhaps this is another reminder from HIM for me to go back to attending LIVE worship services instead of me being lazy and resorting to STREAMING on the Internet. There is definitely nothing wrong with watching CCF's Sunday Worship Live Stream, but it's just different when you put in effort to attend a LIVE service.

or perhaps, GOD truly works in mysterious ways and there's NO hiding from a Living God - no matter how obscure a blog is.

on unrelated note, I'm reminded of this post I had in FB back on March 2015; I think it's the same person as the one above, hehe :)

anyways, I'll leave you with this verse from Proverbs 16:9

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.(NIV)

delivered from pain

the past few days were hard for me. literally, painfully hard. there's a bump in my left armpit and i feel some piercing pain somewhere in the vicinity of my left chest. the bump wasn't a concern as the swelling subsided a bit, but the chest pain was a cause for concern. i knew the pain wasn't heart attack nor heart burn because i've consulted with a cardiologist in the past and she described to me what it will feel like if one suffers from a heart attack. while i can't remember the exact descriptions she gave, what i can recall is that the pain should be at the center of your chest and not on either left or right side (unless my memory was mistaken). i could definitely feel the pain radiating on my left chest. the past 3 days, i would wake up to this kind of pain. i didn't want to go to the doctor because my budget is a bit limited as of the moment, and i don't want to spend it on doctor's fees nor on medicines. i rationalized that when i had this kind of pain before, the doctor just gave me some anti-bacterial pill and a painkiller. i have some anti-bacterial pills and some mefenamic acid at home. i took a couple of them on the second day. i didn't take one on the first day as i was convinced that the pain would just go away and didn't want to go back to my painkiller-popping days. also, i immediately hit on google and did a quick search on what's happening. the closest i could find that resembles the symptoms i'm feeling was something called 'pericarditis.' reading about it, i learned that taking Advil can help ease the pain. so, i kept that in mind in case i run out of mefenamic acid.

when i woke up to the same intense pain the next day (Saturday), i got a bit worried. breathing while not difficult, gets a bit painful. the pain was too intense that all i could do is just call on to God to get me through the day. i tried to control the panic as i didn't want to complicate things and get me bleeding again. (well, my period bleeding had been too heavy the past few days, and panic is one ways to get me bleeding again and make it worse! hit the other blog; my beautiful u for details). i forced myself to get out of bed because the previous day i noticed that the pain ebbs when i'm on an upright position. i can feel some tinge of pain when i'm sitting, but nothing compared to when i'm lying down. when i'm tired of sitting, i try to rest by reclining, but even that was painful. haha, i remembered telling myself to be grateful to the gift of breathing. i told myself to be grateful to the act of breathing itself, as it's really something to feel pain as you breathe. nothing to like. so, i took the last of the mefenamic acid that i have hoping that the pain would subside. i would try to examine if it has subsided by reclining only to feel the shooting pain again.

i figured, i would just be on an upright position all day so i won't feel any pain. i considered going to the doctor, but decided to put it off for another day. sunday came and i woke up with the worst pain on my left chest. i was literally scared as any movement was painful. i couldn't call nor didn't want to call anyone as i didn't want to cause unnecessary worry. i kept convincing myself to get up as i know from the previous day that as soon as i'm on an upright position, the pain will be gone in a few minutes. i wish it were that easy to just get up. but just the act of getting up feels like my left chest would explode. i tried to grab hold of my bed's frame to propel me up, but still it was a challenge because of the pain. so, i told myself to suck it up, get up, no matter the pain i'm feeling. just get up and breathe. haha, breathing itself was painful. but the sooner i do so, the sooner the pain will leave me. so i did. it was excruciating, but at least i managed to get up, and the pain slowly dissipated.

i reheated some food for brunch and considered my options. i thought that this being a 3rd day of the same painful experience, i should probably go see a doctor. but that day being a sunday, am sure the cardiologist that i consulted once did not have clinic. i thought of going to the e.r. and reasoned that i could just use plastic to pay off the fees. but the thought of going to the e.r. and spending money put me off. i only have 1,500 cash in my hand, only 1,000 withdrawable in my ATM and didn't have health insurance. so, i tried to convince myself that this will come to pass. after all, if God wanted me dead, he would have done it. so after eating brunch, i occupied myself by watching the live stream of Christ's Commission Fellowship's Sunday service. i tried reclining while watching, but I can still feel the pain. so went back to just sitting up. praise and worship was truly a blessing. i didn't have anything, except the pain and the lyrics of the songs that said to offer my life and my pain to God just broke me. it's weird. it broke me, but it also encouraged me to keep the faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. it encouraged me to go out of the comfort of my home and go attend sunday service at WAC (word at the center) over at JMALL.

after the service at WAC, i reminded myself to buy Advil so i can have something to drink for the pain. but as i was hungry, i immediately went to the mall's foodcourt to get some bite. however, on my way to the mall i saw a poster indicating that The Jungle Book is showing now.[haha, i am hesitant to spend on doctor consultations, but had no qualms spending on a favorite story of my younger years! my priorities are definitely questionable!] i thought of just eating inside the theater. however, as i was at the ticket counter, i tried to look for my wallet to pull out the 1000 bill that i know i have. after much searching, i came to the conclusion that i left my wallet in my bigger bag. the money that i have with me is just enough for less than a 100-peso dinner and fare for home. so, instead of watching the movie, i headed to the foodcourt as i initially intended. i enjoyed my 79-peso carbonara so much that i didn't notice the time until I heard the mall's closing song. drat, i failed to buy medicine!!!

when i got to tamiya terminal, i got lazy to walk to the pharmacy and just thought that i'll be fine without medicine. nevertheless, when i was at home, i searched my medicine stash hoping that i still have some painkillers. i realized i was out of mefenamic acid. thus, i ended up just taking the antibacterial pill and the paracetamol i found in my stash before i went to bed. but prior to sleeping that night, i called out to God to remove the pain in my chest. i'm scared to sleep because i know i would have to lie down, and it's when I'm lying down that the pain is at its worst. so i prayed earnestly. i prayed like i have never prayed before. i prayed that God gave me rest. i confessed out loud both known and unknown sins and asked for forgiveness. i prayed that his will be done. i prayed to reveal to me the things i have done wrong so i can make things right. at sunday service, i was reminded that God disciplines his children and he spits out those whom he doesn't know (meaning those who doesn't have an intimate relationship with him). the pastor also mentioned something to the effect that the reason you are not receiving miracles in your life is because you haven't been praying enough or putting in time to be intimate with the Lord. so yeah, that night, i spent some time reading the bible, revelations mostly and just asked the lord to have mercy upon me. i didn't want to go to bed scared because of the knowledge that i will feel the pain again in my chest. but more importantly, i didn't want to end up dead and Jesus not knowing about me. haha, so i prayed to make sure I get his attention and at least begin to know me.

in my previous readings and bible studies, i'm given the assurance that God is faithful and full of mercy. that he doesn't give you fear. fear is of the enemy. also, in my prayer that night, i asked God to give me boldness to speak the truth in his name. i am actually hesitant of sharing my experiences with God because i know i'm far from being Christ-like. i have difficulty controlling my temper, i have difficulty getting into fellowship with other believers. things such as those make me realize that I'm not truly obedient to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. these things make me doubt the credibility of my own proclamation of faith. but then again, i'm reminded that GOD doesn't outrightly condemn. yes, he is a just GOD. he will pass judgment on me sometime. but now that i'm still alive, it is definitely not him telling me to stop studying and listening to things of the bible. in fact, his instruction was to meditate on the word day and night and to not let the word depart from one's mouth. so yeah, i'm writing this to show that though I may not have a strong faith (YET), my GOD remains faithful. i may stumble, but my GOD remains faithful. so yeah, while i was scared last night to go to bed, i assured myself that there was nothing to fear for me as God gives rest to those who come to him.

you know what? as soon as i hit the bed, i immediately felt the pain on my left chest. but curiously, the pain didn't bother me at all as i was asleep within minutes and despite the intense mactan heat. i probably slept immediately because i can't recall ever having thought of any negative things while trying to get sleep. there was no 'trying to sleep' as i was asleep in minutes! haha, i know sleep is a minor thing. but trust me, to someone in pain, sleep is a huge comforter. JESUS is indeed a living God and he gave me rest instantly. so yeah, i woke up today intent on cashing in on my life insurance. that way i can have money to pay for doctor's visit and to sustain me through this jobless phase. but guess what? THERE WAS NO PAIN when I woke up. I DIDN'T FEEL ANY PAIN in my chest! I tried rolling on my left side, but there just wasn't any pain.

i don't know what to make of this except that GOD delivers as he promises!

Thank you! All glory and praises I give back to my savior, Jesus Christ!

A Prayer

I first heard of the above titled poem spoken by Ravi Zacharias during a new year church service at Gateway Church. The message was called Raised to Run. If you want to listen to the whole video, you can watch it on YouTube through the link below:

SOURCE: gatewaychurchtv YouTube Channel
A lot of us, at some point in our lives may have gotten to a place where we think there's no way out of the muck we find ourselves. We blame ourselves for whatever failure that came our way. We think we are so horrible and deplorable that no one would even look at us. I don't know about you, but when I heard this poem, I can't help but think of that time when I was in that place; when I believed in that lie. While the whole poem didn't speak entirely of my own feelings, there were parts there that certainly resonates with me. In other parts, I can't help but think that there is someone out there in the world who is feeling the same way as the character in the poem and who thinks that there's no hope, especially for the sinful. The good news, we all are sinners and there's NO SIN BIG ENOUGH that A BIGGER GOD CANNOT OVERCOME. Didn't the Father say in John 3:16 that

"God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Well, we are the world, and HE came for us, sinners and all. Just look at the Father's response at the end of the poem. My prayer is that we crush the lie that there is NO hope for us sinners, but instead believe in the characters of our Father in Heaven. He is good and is full of grace.

I googled the poem that Ravi Zacharias read in the video and below are its powerful words.

A Prayer
Michael Quoist, a French cleric

I have fallen, Lord,
Once more.
I can't go on, I'll never succeed.
I am ashamed, I don't dare look at you.
And yet I struggled, Lord, for I knew you were right near me, bending over me, watching.
But temptation blew like a hurricane,
And instead of looking at you I turned my head away,
I stepped aside
While you stood, silent and sorrowful,
Like the spurned fiancé who sees his loved one carried away by the enemy.
When the wind died down as suddenly as it had arisen,
When the lightning ceased after proudly streaking the darkness,
All of a sudden I found myself alone, ashamed, disgusted, with my sin in my hands.
This sin that I selected the way a customer makes his purchase,
This sin that I have paid for and cannot return, for the shopkeeper is no longer there,
This tasteless sin,
This odorless in,
This sin that sickens me,
That I have wanted but no more,
That I have imagined, sought, played with, fondled, for a long time;
That I Have finally embraced while turning coldly away from you,
My arms outstretched, my eyes and heart irresistibly drawn;
This sin that I have grasped and consumed with gluttony,
It's mine now, but it possesses me as the spiderweb holds captive the fly.
It is mine,
It sticks to me,
It flows in my veins,
It fills my heart.
It has slipped in everywhere, as darkness slips into the forest at dusk
And fills all the patches of light.
I can't get rid of it.
I run from it the way one tries to lose a stray dog, but it catches up with me and bounds joyfully against my legs.
Everyone must notice it.
I'm so ashamed that I feel like crawling to avoid being seen,
I'm ashamed of being seen by my friends,
I'm ashamed of being seen by you, Lord,
For you loved me, and I forgot you.
I forgot you because I was thinking of myself
And one can't think of several persons at once.
One must choose, and I chose.
And your voice,
And your look
And your love hurt me.
They weigh me down
They weigh me down more than my sin.
Lord, don't look at me like that,
For I am naked,
I am down,
Shattered,
With no strength left.
I dare make no more promises,
I can only lie bowed before you.

[The Father's Response]

Come, son, look up.
Isn't it mainly your vanity that is wounded?
If you loved me, you would grieve, but you would trust.
Do you think that there's a limit to God's love?
Do you think that for a moment I stopped loving you?
But you still rely on yourself, son. You must rely on me.
Ask my pardon
And get up quickly.
You see, it's not falling that is the worst,
But staying on the ground.

This poem, I learned, can be found in Ravi Zacharias's book Has Christianity Failed You?too. May you all be encouraged by the Father's response. When you are in a place where you don't want to be, perhaps it's time we change tactic and fully surrender and rely on God, instead. Why not try things HIS way? Why not instead of running away from him, we come to him for help. Who knows you'll find the one thing that's been elusive to you all through your years.

Praise be to God!

is this my ministry?

Your misery is your ministry.

Last Saturday, during Dgroup meeting - I voiced out the concern that since I became born-again, I still have not found a ministry. Finding my ministry and becoming comfortable with fellowships are two of many things I struggle with. Between the two, it's not having ministry that keeps recurring in my mind of late. As Christians, we ought to bring GLORY to GOD through our ministry. Choosing a ministry should NOT be difficult, should it? My Dgroup leader keeps inviting me to join CCF's kid's ministry called NXTGen. Every time she invites me, I refuse. Every time I do, I feel guilty. I keep asking myself why can't I commit a portion of my time doing ministry. It's not as if I'm very busy.

Then on Sunday's service at WAC, Pastor John blurted out and made us write the following words on our bibles. "Your misery is your ministry." When I heard this, the first thing that came to mind was, "WOW! God is indeed real and is present - not just present, but involved in my life." I was amazed at how uncanny the timing was. Probably it was 100% coincidence that I heard what I heard from the pastor. OR, and I'm much convinced of it - GOD's timing is indeed perfect. He used the pastor to help me figure out what my ministry should be. Examining my life, there are two "miseries" that come to mind: 1) my uterine condition called 'adenomyosis' and 2) my seemingly perpetual singleness. Now that I've think of it, the former one had led me to seek GOD and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thought, I should probably consider 'writing or blogging' as my ministry. Make this little blog a repository of all things that I've personally encountered and experienced in my walk of faith. Who knows, there might be someone who will find his/her way to this little corner in the worldwide web and be encouraged by GOD's love to all HIS children.

May GOD give me the wisdom to bring forth only the TRUTH that gives light. More importantly, may GOD give me the strength to persist. I started this blog a few years back, but have never really devoted much time for it. I made the mistake of listening to the enemy that I don't have the capacity to write. I allowed self-doubt to get the better of me. I believed in the lie that I should NOT do this because I will not give justice to how awesome really GOD is. Today I realized that I should not be so hang up in coming up with witty lines, funny quotes, or whatever to describe GOD. GOD is already perfect and no amount of descriptive words from me could come close to how magnificent HE is. My focus should be in sharing the Good News - the Gospel. It is up to GOD how HE will use this little ability to write to bring GLORY to HIS name!

GOD's hands upon a place

sometime last year, i wrote about attending worship services at the J Center mall. in that post i mentioned that only a few people attend the service there. today's 5 o'clock service at WAC was an entirely different story. as june 8 is my mother's birthday, i opted to attend the 2 o'clock service in the hopes of going home early to have dinner with the family. during the service, however, pastor americano's dad (proxying for his son who's in barili for a mission trip) mentioned that his son and some other american volunteers and wac members are actually coming for the 5 o'clock service straight from the mission trip up north.

after the service, i headed to mc do for my late lunch and debated between going home early or attending the 5 o'clock service. for some reason, i can't get it out of my head to go. i don't know whether i was led by the Spirit or if it was me wanting to see more proof of GOD's hands in whatever. it may be presumptuous but i'd like to think that it was the leading of the Spirit that made me decide to go for another round of Sunday worship service. i was GLAD that i did GO. i was happy that i chose to attend the service over going home early. i was happy because by staying for the 5 o'clock service, i actually witnessed first hand what it's like to be in a place where GOD's hands are upon it and the people who were there.

i truly believe that during that service, GOD has truly blessed the event and was actually there to bless the place himself. in the 2 o'clock service, pastor americano's dad mentioned that right after the service, he will go up to the mall's management and demand for another 100 seats to accommodate more people for the next service. it's been almost a year since i've been coming to wac and i can vouched that during the early months last year, only few people come to worship there. in fact, during those early months, i sometimes feel uncomfortable attending services there, especially during that time where the service was held at the ground floor, fronting GUESS and Dunkin Donuts. many people seeing that it's not a catholic mass, would just pass by the place and proceed to going about doing their businesses. one could actually see the glaringly empty seats. when i heard pastor americano's dad, i thought to myself that this old guy truly BELIEVE in HIS GOD to make such a bold demand for more seats. YES, truly it was a BOLD DEMAND because in my previous experiences, the service could barely attract more than 50 people at a time. so to claim that GOD will move people to attend the 5 o'clock service and actually fill the place to reach more than a hundred is again rather BOLD. a part of me, wanted to see how GOD will work on this man's belief.

what happened at the 5 o'clock service was truly a TESTAMENT on WHAT an AMAZING GOD CAN DO!!! while sitting at my chair, i can't helped but feel a bit of regret for not taking on the offer to get a higher phone subscription to enjoy a free smartphone. i had wished i took the offer just so i could take a picture of the place and record it on video! i was counting chairs, and my estimate was there were more than a hundred people there!!! GOD indeed works in mysterious ways and there's no limit to what HE CAN DO!!!

with that said, i leave you with one of the beautiful prayers of paul for the ephesians. my very lay understanding of the verses has me convinced of the power of GOD and thus wish nothing but for other people to hear these beautiful truths:

A Prayer for the Ephesians
14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

word at the center

The past few Sundays, I've been attending church services at the J Centre Mall.

Thus far, I like what I hear every time I'm there and fill one of the many empty seats there. The guy in blue, whose back is seen in the picture (yeah, I don't have the latest smartphone and still a proud owner of a dumbphone. but trust me - it's blue) is the pastor who delivers the message every Sunday. While I continue to struggle waking up early and making it to the Sunday services over at the Marriott Hotel through CCF, I also do not regret missing the church there as I like hearing the pastor's message every Sunday at the J. Center. Apart from my laziness to wake up early so as not to miss CCF's 11 AM service, one of the reason's I'm drawn to the church at J Center is the passion of the pastor when delivering God's message. Imagine being on stage and talking to an almost empty (maybe less than 30 people) venue. For most of us, speaking in public with only a few audience might probably discourage us. We might not even have the energy to wake up and go to the mall and do 3 services with only a few people in attendance Sunday in and Sunday out. Yet, the pastor and the volunteers there untiringly and religiously set up the stage for the Sunday service and let the Word of God be known to people. I call this dedication a true devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. I'm drawn to this kind of dedication because it's something that I do not have. I know now that I do not want to go back to being a non-practicing Catholic. By that I mean, someone who is born to the Catholic faith, but who never truly understood what it means to be truly Catholic. Sure, I'm not fully a born again either. I haven't gotten myself baptized yet. Well, be that as it may - I like hearing about and slowly learning about who Jesus is. I continue to struggle having a relationship with the big jokester. So, attending Sunday services is a big help to my fearful commitment-phobe self. Yeah, I call myself commitment-phobe in this regard, because a voice and my mind knows that I should commit by now to the Lord Jesus, and yet I remain 'unfocused' - and to put it bluntly, a coward - for not making the move. Lastly, one of the big reasons I continue to attend services at the J Center is because there was this particular Sunday that I actually didn't want to leave Mactan and go to church. Thankfully, the inner self-talk to get up and go to church prevailed. In that Sunday's service, the pastor repeatedly said something about being lost and encouraged the people there to 'stay on track'. I believe he said something about "staying the course and fixing one's eyes to Jesus. It truly felt that the message was meant for my ears only for at that time, a big part of me keeps insisting that all these Jesus talks are nothing but crap. That Sunday, was this year's Easter Sunday and that time couldn't have been more appropriate for me to hear Jesus' message of love - truly powerful.
So, if you ever might find yourself at a lost and want to hear and know more about our Living God, you might want to drop in at the 3rd Level of J. Center Mall on Sundays. Word at the Center holds an interfaith service every Sunday at 10 A.M., 2 P.M., and 5 P.M. They're near the office of the bpo Stream and the computer store, Octagon.

UPDATE as of July 17, 2016: WAC has moved to a new location at the 3rd Floor of J. Centre Mall. I haven't been to the new location just yet. But on the very last Sunday that I went there, it was announced that they'll be moving one floor up from the current location. If I'm not mistaken, it's that space above Octagon. I think somewhere near the new SSS Mandaue office (formerly Trick Art Museum)/ERSAO Restaurant. I'll take some pictures when I can attend service there again.

superbook reimagined

YES! Superbook is back! Haha, do you even know what Superbook is? Well, let's just say that most of the things I know about the bible I learned through watching Superbook and Flying House. These two animated stories were produced by CBN (Christian Broadcasting Network). If i'm not mistaken, Superbook features the stories found in the Bible's Old Testament, while Flying House features the story of Jesus of the New Testament. As a kid growing up, I remembered watching each of the episodes of Superbook and Flying House. In fact, I was even a member of the Super Kids Club. Imagine THAT!! Like I said, all I know about the bible is because of these two animation series back in the 80s. Haha, i'm so giving away my age. But yeah, SUPERBOOK IS BACK. CBN Asia is bringing back Superbook for today's young generation. Superbook Reimagined is produced to suit today's children's love for digital animation. The well-loved stories of Superbook can now be watched in 3D animation! Too bad, I missed today's episode as I only learned about it today, drat!

my dear parent friends, i encourage you to let your kids watch this show. Superbook Reimagined and Superbook Classic. they're shown over at GMA 7 at 7:30 AM on Saturdays and Sundays.

7:30, too early? well, you can actually get a copy of the DVD episodes by partnering with superbook with your gift of PhP 500. click video to know how you can partner with Superbook and get a copy of your DVD.
or visit www.batangsuperbook.com for videos and games.

a blessing

something great happened today. AND, it can only be sum up by this;

THANK YOU!!! To GOD Be The Glory!!!

Photo Source: Christian Wallpapers

how do you see yourself?

i subscribe to cbn asia's daily devotional. while i still haven't grasp what it is truly be a follower, i try to push myself not to give up. lately, i've been remiss in a lot of things, and sometimes i can't help but think that i may not be cut out for this. when these thoughts come in, i try to tell myself to believe in only one thing: the truth in the name of Jesus.
early today, i felt some heaviness in my heart that i just couldn't put my finger on. for someone who hasn't fully spent her time in reading the Word, holding on to the truth can be quite difficult. anyway, i just read today's devotional and i'd like to share it here. i just hope that someone out there may chance upon this, and may have a change of heart, especially on how they see themselves, and in a way be uplifted by its message. the article somehow made me recall that Dove commercial on real beauty. in that commercial, a lot of women were harsh on how they describe their physical beauty, which were quite contrary to what other people look at them. that commercial somehow made me think of the Great One - the Father who created US in His image. we people have the tendency to be harsh on ourselves when our Father sees only the best and amazing in us.
OK. Here's the article before I digress and babble on the inconsequential. The article is written by Jenny the Jewel.

"What God Says About Me" I was born with Down syndrome 30 years ago. This makes some things very difficult for me. When I was younger, I spent a lot of time asking God, Why did you make me with Down Syndrome? Why can't I be normal like other people?
I told Him all the time that I didn't like having Down syndrome. I kept thinking that if only I didn't have Down syndrome I would be happy. I thought that somehow God made a mistake when He made me. My Mom and Dad always told me they loved me so deeply, and that they could not love me any more, but somehow down deep in my heart I always wondered if they would love me more if I didn't have Down Syndrome.
When I was in high school, the kids on the school bus were very mean to me. They laughed at me, and mocked me and they called me all kinds of bad names, and told me that even my parents couldn't love me. That hurt me so deeply!
When I got off the school bus in the afternoon, I would be crying. My Mom met me at the door, and we would talk and pray every day. She told me that people used to say bad things about Jesus and call Him names too, so He understood exactly how I felt.
She told me that real truth is only found in God's Word, and not in what other people say about you. She told me that if I could find anywhere in the Bible where God calls me bad names, or said I was a mistake; she would pay me $5,000. I spent a lot of time reading in the Bible to find out what God said about me. All the Scriptures I found said just the opposite, so I never did get the $5,000!
Some of my favorite Scriptures are:
Psalm 139:14 where God says, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
God tells me in Psalm 17, "I am the apple of His eye."
In Deuteronomy 7:6, God tells me that I am "His treasured possession."
In Philippians 4:8,God tells me to think about whatever is "true, noble, right, pure, and lovely."
I like to think about the truth that God tells me and spend my time thinking about what God says is true. The last Scripture I want to share is
Psalm 119:114, "You are my refuge and my shield. I have put my hope in your Word."
My confidence and hope is in God. I know now that instead of being a mistake, I am the Lord's treasured possession.
I like to memorize Scripture and fill my mind with the truth of who God says I am. This understanding has made all the difference in my life. Now I recognize that God has a plan for my life, and He created me just the way I am for His special purpose. I may still have Down syndrome, but now instead of saying "if only" I didn't have Down syndrome, I say, "So what, I will glorify God just the way He made me." I know He loves me and cares for me with His whole heart.
The Lord showed me that I am not a mistake, but I am a precious gift...His treasured possession. We have a choice to believe and fill our minds with God's truth, which will change our hearts, or listen to what other people say and be sad. It is a choice we must each make. In Exodus 4:10, Moses tells God that he can't do what God told him to do because he was slow of speech and tongue. In verse 11, the Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go. I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." He made me just the way He made me for just the special purpose I was created for. There is special work He has for me to do that can only be done by me, just the way He created me.
If I spend my time wishing I was different, I will never get around to doing those things God wants me to do. Sometimes Satan tries to put thoughts into my head and tell me that I am no good and stuff like that. That's when I remember the Scripture in John 10:10 that says, "The thief comes only to steal, and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the fullest."
When Satan tries to put lies into my head, I beat him over the head with the truth of God. I do it over and over again as long as I have to. I know God has given me special gifts and talents, and my desire is to use them for His glory. I say it often and I mean it...I love my life!
God does not make any mistakes, and that's the truth... no matter what we sometime may think. As Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding." Jesus is my best friend, and I love Him with all my heart, and I am fully His.There is nothing more important in my life than pleasing Him, spending time loving Him and reading His Word, talking to Him, and sharing His love with other people. His joy fills my heart!
If your heart is sad because you wish God had made you different, read in His Word the truth of what He says about you, believe it, and let Him change your heart. Nothing is impossible with God. He certainly did change my heart.
Lord, I pray for each person, that you will fill their heart with Your truth of who they really are and how much you love them. AMEN!

By Jenny the Jewel

Source: May 14, 2013 The CBN Asia Devotionals: God Speaks Today

why go to church?

in the post before this i stated that i truly wanted to write for Him. it occurred to me that i haven't actually defined the extent of my commitment. should i do it daily, every other day, weekly, or monthly? i honestly don't know the answer to that. i'm no writer and words don't easily come to me. while this maybe taken as me going back on my word, it actually isn't. since i started the walk to learn about jesus, i often come by the message that nothing is an accident. everything happens for a reason, and that we are where we are needed to be.

so.the past few sundays, i've been struggling against laziness and impure thoughts. the mactan heat and sinful thoughts kept me from attending ccf services. i failed to go to church last sunday and 4 sundays ago. the three sundays in between, i went to a service by victory and and that of the interfaith service held at j center mall. in those past sundays, i kept telling myself that i'll miss a lot of things should i decide to skip church. tomorrow or technically a few hours from now, i can't help but think that i will have the same struggle again. i say that because it's 2:13 A.M. and i'm still wide awake, often the precedence of my inability to wake up in the morning. ergo, skip ccf and debate whether to brave the outside heat to go to j center mall in the afternoon.

where was i going with this? hmmm. well, i initially planned to post my ONLY picture when i was 2 years old over at my other blog. but before i could do so, a thought came to me, "humor yourself, vet and check the oldest e-mail you've received." well, the thought came out of nowhere and i just said to myself, "what the heck, why not?" so i did, and this was what i found, a forwarded e-mail dated august 13, 2003 sent by my sister: creepy and then i'm reminded of the message that nothing is an accident. perhaps this is a reminder from the Father. Well, HE knows everything. So, He probably sent me this message beforehand because HE knows that I will have the debate again of whether it's worth the time to go to church or not. now you understand why i fondly called the Father the jokester. i don't mean this as the Father playing a 'literal' joke on me. i just have the notion that HE knows you so much enough to present you little reminders. what do you think?

"Why Go To Church?"

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all." This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher: I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"

When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible > > > and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our > > > spiritual nourishment! > > >

writing for Him

i was reading an article over at boundless website when some thoughts occurred to me. from time to time the thought of writing about God comes to me. to use "there's a great longing to write about HIM" is overly pretentious, and yet it's true. i truly want to write about the lord of lords. but just as when the thought comes, an equal force of doubt seeps through my mind. how can i even write about the king of kings when i don't have a personal relationship with Him, at least - not at the level of what a personal relationship with Him entails as described by many believers? what could i write about when i haven't even read the entire bible yet? from whose authority would i have license to write about Him? a deafening 'you're a sinner, and have no right to even attempt. sure, you read the bible, but your recent actions watching movies with violent and sexual contents, harboring anger at someone for unpaid debts, to name just a few, were far from righteous and that alone disqualifies you." so said the thoughts in my head.
from the very few articles written in this blog, it sure is an evidence that i clearly have not acted on the desire to write more of Him. up until now, i still doubt my capacity to write. i'm not as gifted as the writers i admire and the thought of even dreaming that i could be a writer is just ambitious to say the least. then i am reminded about the 'enemy'. the enemy is cunning, devious, and highly clever. it will use all its energy to question your beliefs and to keep you separated from God. i'm ashamed at the thought that the quantity of the posts here signifies how i'm allowing to be led away from the TRUTH.

darn.

today, as i was reading the boundless article and the daily devotion from cbn asia i am reminded of the following TRUTH:
galatians 5:22

but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forebearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness (NIV)

clearly, 'doubt, hatred, unforgiveness etc., aren't the fruits of the spirit. thus, they should not reign in our hearts and mind. yes, "it's easier "written" than done", but if i'm not mistaken (drat, i just can't remember the verse), there is that verse that mentions about God giving us all the armor that we need. or that within each one of us, there is the ability to do what God has meant us to do - writing, serving, or whatever way we can to bring glory to His name.
oh, regarding the issue on authority - brothers and sisters, God is not expecting perfection from us. He welcomes everyone - all of us sinners alike. so yeah, in my capacity even as a sinner, i will try to Make Him Known - through this little blog.
that said, i'll leave you with this beautiful reminder in dealing with the struggles in this world from Ephesians 6:12-17

12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (NIV)

happy weekend!!!

stay on course

it's probably the greatest reminder i received last sunday. over the past few months i've struggled whether the decision to walk on this path is the wisest or the dumbest. prior to this decision, it didn't matter to me whether i go or skip church. but since june of last year, going to church has been a matter that demands front row seats. i feel guilty every time i skip it, especially knowing that i don't have a valid reason not to go. most often than not, it's usually a case of staying too late at night to devour on tv series or just plain avoidance of the heat outside. i'm generally an afternoon or an evening person. i'm at my most active during those times. there's also the doubt that shouts, 'there's really nothing to gain in going to church. forget eternity. all those eternal life talks are full of crap. you'd be dead. what do you care about the after life? who cares? you're DEAD.'
yeah, it's tempting to believe in this BIG LIE. but truth of the matter is, there nothing that a BIG God named Jesus cannot overcome. yes, we may be fallen, but the king of kings welcomes us anytime. He's actually just waiting for us to come. of course, the enemy is cunning and wise - he attacks us at our weakest, that sometimes we tend to believe. well friends, whatever wrong we may have done in the past - be assured that there is such a thing as forgiveness. there is No SIN so big that our Lord Jesus cannot forgive. like i said, when we fall - it's sometimes easier to just continue falling, and just be damn with it. hear some truth; yes, you may feel convicted, but do stay on course. continue to listen and hear the Word, especially when you feel the weakest.

pause and pay attention

last sunday, i let laziness get the better of me. i rationalized that i was too tired to go to church because i rendered overtime that saturday. but truth be told i got distracted by a movie. if you follow my other blog or you're a friend, you know that i very much admire abraham lincoln. steven spielberg directed a movie called "lincoln". when i heard of it, i couldn't wait for the movie to be shown here in the country (roughly a year or more). after working OT that saturday, i hitched a ride to go to SM, and then my co-worker don chose to park at the cinema level. naturally, i passed by the theater, and saw movie posters of titles currently being shown. one of the titles was lincoln. what happened next was obvious. instead of going home to my parent's house as i initially planned, i ended up buying a movie ticket and went home past 12 midnight.

OK. why this introduction?