how do you view God?

i'm not officially a member of ccf. i haven't been baptized as a christian yet. but i've been attending their sunday services since june of last year. i have to say that discovering ccf is among the best things that happened in my 2012. while i continue to struggle with everyday life and being intimate with the jokester, i have to admit that through ccf i have met and came to know the most amazing people. i haven't met people with so much passion for the Lord before. sure, i've seen them on TV - but the experience is kinda different when you actually see them in person. oops, lest i send the wrong impression, let me point out that i have not met these people in person - at least NOT the "was-introduced-to-me-kind." what i mean here is through ccf, i got to hear the likes of pastor peter tan-chi and francis kong speak in person. on the occasions that i've heard them speak, i'm just floored. i'm envious of the kind of faith they have with the Lord Jesus Christ. more than objects of envy, these people inspire me to aspire more and attempt to build a strong relationship with the Lord.
last jan. 13's sunday service featured a video stream of pastor peter. damn, every time i hear the man speak - i'm like, if only so many people were like him - a true follower of Jesus, then the world would be a much better place. or if only i have at least half the faith he has, man - that would be more than awesome. on the other past services where he served as the main speaker, a recurring message he often leaves attendees is the statement, "how do you see God, affects your entire being". the words are not verbatim, but it was kind of like it. every time he speaks of those words, i'm left wondering if pastor peter is a student of psychology. the statement has a 'psych' vibe to it. [ok, disclaimer, the parallelism that follows isn't quite close, but it's what actually comes to my mind] hmmm, anyway, i could be wrong - but the message somehow reminds me of the few lessons i had when i was a psychology undergrad; something about the power of the mind and what it can conjure. my favorite class in college is psych 135, or perception. in that class, we discuss the brain and the body's darn beautiful and fascinating neural network. it's in perception class that i've come to admire the wondrous work of our brian. haha, i can't get enough reading materials on the brain back in the day, and some years after it (but don't ask me now as i've forgotten most of them, hehe). in my readings, i've come to the conclusion that our brain is the "most amazingest" thing ever created. the brain has abilities that border on the incomprehensible. it is able to do things that leaves one perplexed, at least in my mind. with this line of thinking, pastor peter's statement on what we think about God, and it affecting our entire being, kind of jolts me to my sad reality: drat - i don't see God the way i adore the brain - at least for now.
how else can i justify being an adenomyosis-afflicted me until now even after several prayers? yes, it's probably not the time yet for my ultimate healing, but let's not get "in HIS TIME" factor come into the picture, or at least NOT in this post. SO. i've read several accounts in the bible on how big a miracle worker God truly is, and yet - i remain doubtful, ergo 'unhealed'. in fact, there's that story about a bleeding woman who suffered for several years. (FYI one major symptom of adenomyosis is profuse bleeding that could last several days, even weeks - not your typical menstruation) when she saw Jesus, she strained to be near Him and succeeded only in touching a tip of His robe. a mere touch of His robe made Jesus turn back to ask the crowd about who touched Him. because then, He felt power flowing through Him and into someone. the woman revealed herself and so Jesus spoke shortly with her and proclaimed that by mere faith alone, she (the woman) is healed.
in that same service, pastor peter dwelt deeply on the passage that is Ephesians 3:20
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us" (NKJV)
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,"(TNIV)
the passage gives a very vivid picture of how great and a big "overcomer" of things our Lord is. it paints a picture of a GOD who has limitless power. with this TRUTH that nothing is impossible to someone who can do things way, way beyond what our human imagination can conjure, boy - the world would be like a place where hope, indeed, springs eternal. yes, problems may continue to distract people - but what could problems do to people full of hope? nothing, right?
realizations like this make me thankful of the events that led me to seek the Lord. while i'm not quite "there" yet, i'm grateful that these doubts and questions further lead me into knowing more about the jokester. hopefully, the jokester won't get tired of my doubts and someday soon will shower me with grace and mercy to believe in Him 100%. no questions asked, especially even if things don't make sense to my mind. (remember the pharaoh-moses story?) as it turned out, GOD hardened the pharaoh's heart in releasing the israelites, and it's the same GOD who ultimately made the pharaoh let those people go. of course, in between these two courses of events - miracles after miracles (or if you're the egyptians, plague after plague) happened that showed the power of the Lord.