last sunday, i let laziness get the better of me. i rationalized that i was too tired to go to church because i rendered overtime that saturday. but truth be told i got distracted by a movie. if you follow my other blog or you're a friend, you know that i very much admire abraham lincoln. steven spielberg directed a movie called "lincoln". when i heard of it, i couldn't wait for the movie to be shown here in the country (roughly a year or more). after working OT that saturday, i hitched a ride to go to SM, and then my co-worker don chose to park at the cinema level. naturally, i passed by the theater, and saw movie posters of titles currently being shown. one of the titles was lincoln. what happened next was obvious. instead of going home to my parent's house as i initially planned, i ended up buying a movie ticket and went home past 12 midnight.
OK. why this introduction?
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
how do you view God?
i'm not officially a member of ccf. i haven't been baptized as a christian yet. but i've been attending their sunday services since june of last year. i have to say that discovering ccf is among the best things that happened in my 2012. while i continue to struggle with everyday life and being intimate with the jokester, i have to admit that through ccf i have met and came to know the most amazing people. i haven't met people with so much passion for the Lord before. sure, i've seen them on TV - but the experience is kinda different when you actually see them in person. oops, lest i send the wrong impression, let me point out that i have not met these people in person - at least NOT the "was-introduced-to-me-kind." what i mean here is through ccf, i got to hear the likes of pastor peter tan-chi and francis kong speak in person. on the occasions that i've heard them speak, i'm just floored. i'm envious of the kind of faith they have with the Lord Jesus Christ. more than objects of envy, these people inspire me to aspire more and attempt to build a strong relationship with the Lord.
last jan. 13's sunday service featured a video stream of pastor peter. damn, every time i hear the man speak - i'm like, if only so many people were like him - a true follower of Jesus, then the world would be a much better place. or if only i have at least half the faith he has, man - that would be more than awesome. on the other past services where he served as the main speaker, a recurring message he often leaves attendees is the statement, "how do you see God, affects your entire being". the words are not verbatim, but it was kind of like it. every time he speaks of those words, i'm left wondering if pastor peter is a student of psychology. the statement has a 'psych' vibe to it. [ok, disclaimer, the parallelism that follows isn't quite close, but it's what actually comes to my mind] hmmm, anyway, i could be wrong - but the message somehow reminds me of the few lessons i had when i was a psychology undergrad; something about the power of the mind and what it can conjure. my favorite class in college is psych 135, or perception. in that class, we discuss the brain and the body's darn beautiful and fascinating neural network. it's in perception class that i've come to admire the wondrous work of our brian. haha, i can't get enough reading materials on the brain back in the day, and some years after it (but don't ask me now as i've forgotten most of them, hehe). in my readings, i've come to the conclusion that our brain is the "most amazingest" thing ever created. the brain has abilities that border on the incomprehensible. it is able to do things that leaves one perplexed, at least in my mind. with this line of thinking, pastor peter's statement on what we think about God, and it affecting our entire being, kind of jolts me to my sad reality: drat - i don't see God the way i adore the brain - at least for now.
how else can i justify being an adenomyosis-afflicted me until now even after several prayers? yes, it's probably not the time yet for my ultimate healing, but let's not get "in HIS TIME" factor come into the picture, or at least NOT in this post. SO. i've read several accounts in the bible on how big a miracle worker God truly is, and yet - i remain doubtful, ergo 'unhealed'. in fact, there's that story about a bleeding woman who suffered for several years. (FYI one major symptom of adenomyosis is profuse bleeding that could last several days, even weeks - not your typical menstruation) when she saw Jesus, she strained to be near Him and succeeded only in touching a tip of His robe. a mere touch of His robe made Jesus turn back to ask the crowd about who touched Him. because then, He felt power flowing through Him and into someone. the woman revealed herself and so Jesus spoke shortly with her and proclaimed that by mere faith alone, she (the woman) is healed.
in that same service, pastor peter dwelt deeply on the passage that is Ephesians 3:20
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us" (NKJV)
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,"(TNIV)
the passage gives a very vivid picture of how great and a big "overcomer" of things our Lord is. it paints a picture of a GOD who has limitless power. with this TRUTH that nothing is impossible to someone who can do things way, way beyond what our human imagination can conjure, boy - the world would be like a place where hope, indeed, springs eternal. yes, problems may continue to distract people - but what could problems do to people full of hope? nothing, right?
realizations like this make me thankful of the events that led me to seek the Lord. while i'm not quite "there" yet, i'm grateful that these doubts and questions further lead me into knowing more about the jokester. hopefully, the jokester won't get tired of my doubts and someday soon will shower me with grace and mercy to believe in Him 100%. no questions asked, especially even if things don't make sense to my mind. (remember the pharaoh-moses story?) as it turned out, GOD hardened the pharaoh's heart in releasing the israelites, and it's the same GOD who ultimately made the pharaoh let those people go. of course, in between these two courses of events - miracles after miracles (or if you're the egyptians, plague after plague) happened that showed the power of the Lord.
last jan. 13's sunday service featured a video stream of pastor peter. damn, every time i hear the man speak - i'm like, if only so many people were like him - a true follower of Jesus, then the world would be a much better place. or if only i have at least half the faith he has, man - that would be more than awesome. on the other past services where he served as the main speaker, a recurring message he often leaves attendees is the statement, "how do you see God, affects your entire being". the words are not verbatim, but it was kind of like it. every time he speaks of those words, i'm left wondering if pastor peter is a student of psychology. the statement has a 'psych' vibe to it. [ok, disclaimer, the parallelism that follows isn't quite close, but it's what actually comes to my mind] hmmm, anyway, i could be wrong - but the message somehow reminds me of the few lessons i had when i was a psychology undergrad; something about the power of the mind and what it can conjure. my favorite class in college is psych 135, or perception. in that class, we discuss the brain and the body's darn beautiful and fascinating neural network. it's in perception class that i've come to admire the wondrous work of our brian. haha, i can't get enough reading materials on the brain back in the day, and some years after it (but don't ask me now as i've forgotten most of them, hehe). in my readings, i've come to the conclusion that our brain is the "most amazingest" thing ever created. the brain has abilities that border on the incomprehensible. it is able to do things that leaves one perplexed, at least in my mind. with this line of thinking, pastor peter's statement on what we think about God, and it affecting our entire being, kind of jolts me to my sad reality: drat - i don't see God the way i adore the brain - at least for now.
how else can i justify being an adenomyosis-afflicted me until now even after several prayers? yes, it's probably not the time yet for my ultimate healing, but let's not get "in HIS TIME" factor come into the picture, or at least NOT in this post. SO. i've read several accounts in the bible on how big a miracle worker God truly is, and yet - i remain doubtful, ergo 'unhealed'. in fact, there's that story about a bleeding woman who suffered for several years. (FYI one major symptom of adenomyosis is profuse bleeding that could last several days, even weeks - not your typical menstruation) when she saw Jesus, she strained to be near Him and succeeded only in touching a tip of His robe. a mere touch of His robe made Jesus turn back to ask the crowd about who touched Him. because then, He felt power flowing through Him and into someone. the woman revealed herself and so Jesus spoke shortly with her and proclaimed that by mere faith alone, she (the woman) is healed.
in that same service, pastor peter dwelt deeply on the passage that is Ephesians 3:20
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us" (NKJV)
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,"(TNIV)
the passage gives a very vivid picture of how great and a big "overcomer" of things our Lord is. it paints a picture of a GOD who has limitless power. with this TRUTH that nothing is impossible to someone who can do things way, way beyond what our human imagination can conjure, boy - the world would be like a place where hope, indeed, springs eternal. yes, problems may continue to distract people - but what could problems do to people full of hope? nothing, right?
realizations like this make me thankful of the events that led me to seek the Lord. while i'm not quite "there" yet, i'm grateful that these doubts and questions further lead me into knowing more about the jokester. hopefully, the jokester won't get tired of my doubts and someday soon will shower me with grace and mercy to believe in Him 100%. no questions asked, especially even if things don't make sense to my mind. (remember the pharaoh-moses story?) as it turned out, GOD hardened the pharaoh's heart in releasing the israelites, and it's the same GOD who ultimately made the pharaoh let those people go. of course, in between these two courses of events - miracles after miracles (or if you're the egyptians, plague after plague) happened that showed the power of the Lord.
Monday, November 5, 2012
quiet time
it's a concept that is as foreign to me as the programming languages i'd like to learn. in all my 33 years, i haven't heard of it. it's only a concept i've heard since i attended d'group meetings during second quarter of this year.
i'm learning that "quiet time" is an essential thing to do by every person who wish to walk with the Lord.
what's a "quiet time"?
from my understanding, it is that period in a person's day where he spends his time communing with the Lord. he does not focus on anything, except in being in the presence of the Lord. the person studies God's word by reading the bible. during this time, the person may sing praises to the Lord. it's simply a time where one talks and listens to God.
have i developed my own "quiet time?"
the answer is a shameful, NO.
"quiet time" reminds me of the many occasions a yoga instructor tells participants to let go of all thoughts and just concentrate on one thing: deep breathing. quiet time is kinda like that. you let go of all your worries and other preoccupations and just focus on one thing: the presence of the Lord. when i was doing yoga, letting go of all my thoughts and just focused on my breathing was difficult. the same thing happens to me every time i attempt to do my version of the quiet time. all things just come rushing to my head. i couldn't quieten my mind. somehow, it conjures one image after another to the point of frustration. but eventually, with practice i learned to let go of my thoughts while doing yoga routines. i haven't perfected it, but at least i've shown improvements to the point that sometimes i could lose myself in yoga for more than 180 minutes. that's what i'm hoping to do with my quiet time.
but first things first, i have to really do it. find a specific time in my day and just dedicate those precious moments to the Lord. what's happening right now is simply erratic. i'd think and talk to the Lord almost everywhere; during trike ride, at the shower, at work etc.. i believe the Lord deserves more than that and the enemy will try its best to distract you from doing what's truly pleasing to the Lord. more than the enemy providing distractions, my main enemy is really just my thoughts. it keeps on thinking especially of possibilities. this is something that i have to work hard to let go as well. see, there are some rules that i've made up for myself. OK, not really rules but just liners or sometimes phrases that keeps one going. one of my favorites is "infinite possibilities". hearing these words open up to so many things. so you could understand why "quieting my mind" is something of a challenge for me. the idea of "infinite possibilities" is in some sense goes against the very concept of a "quiet mind", where you are simply at rest, thinking nothing but only the Lord. "Infinite possibilities" encourages the mind to be hopeful for there are countless things that could happen. that there are many alternatives and options available in life. yes, i still believe this but somehow my belief in it is slowly eroding and is replaced with this verse:
if that isn't enough, perhaps this reminder could convince my stubborn mind to follow:
i'm learning that "quiet time" is an essential thing to do by every person who wish to walk with the Lord.
have i developed my own "quiet time?"
the answer is a shameful, NO.
"quiet time" reminds me of the many occasions a yoga instructor tells participants to let go of all thoughts and just concentrate on one thing: deep breathing. quiet time is kinda like that. you let go of all your worries and other preoccupations and just focus on one thing: the presence of the Lord. when i was doing yoga, letting go of all my thoughts and just focused on my breathing was difficult. the same thing happens to me every time i attempt to do my version of the quiet time. all things just come rushing to my head. i couldn't quieten my mind. somehow, it conjures one image after another to the point of frustration. but eventually, with practice i learned to let go of my thoughts while doing yoga routines. i haven't perfected it, but at least i've shown improvements to the point that sometimes i could lose myself in yoga for more than 180 minutes. that's what i'm hoping to do with my quiet time.
but first things first, i have to really do it. find a specific time in my day and just dedicate those precious moments to the Lord. what's happening right now is simply erratic. i'd think and talk to the Lord almost everywhere; during trike ride, at the shower, at work etc.. i believe the Lord deserves more than that and the enemy will try its best to distract you from doing what's truly pleasing to the Lord. more than the enemy providing distractions, my main enemy is really just my thoughts. it keeps on thinking especially of possibilities. this is something that i have to work hard to let go as well. see, there are some rules that i've made up for myself. OK, not really rules but just liners or sometimes phrases that keeps one going. one of my favorites is "infinite possibilities". hearing these words open up to so many things. so you could understand why "quieting my mind" is something of a challenge for me. the idea of "infinite possibilities" is in some sense goes against the very concept of a "quiet mind", where you are simply at rest, thinking nothing but only the Lord. "Infinite possibilities" encourages the mind to be hopeful for there are countless things that could happen. that there are many alternatives and options available in life. yes, i still believe this but somehow my belief in it is slowly eroding and is replaced with this verse:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)However smart i'd like to believe i am or pretend i am, i simply could not "OutTHINK" the Lord. being the sovereign God, He will always have the bigger piece of the puzzle. or more, all the pieces of the puzzle that I will never even have on my own. so yeah, it's probably high time to just let go of all those infinite possibilities and just trust in the Lord that things will work out the way He intended them to begin with.
if that isn't enough, perhaps this reminder could convince my stubborn mind to follow:
Jeremiah 9:23 This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches,
Friday, November 2, 2012
in His time
it was only june this year that i attended worship services. unlike the regular church i grew up knowing, the service was different. the whole service lasts an hour and a half. it starts out with worship singing, where 4 to 5 songs are sung to glorify the Lord's name. then, there's a few minutes of announcements about church activities/ministries. after the announcements, the day's speaker (the church's senior pastor or an invitee from another church) comes to the stage to discuss a topic hinged entirely on the Word, and then ends with a closing song. the first time i came to attend, i didn't think i'll make it to the whole service. hearing the songs and looking at the people around me, happily rejoicing in the Lord and singing praises for Him, was just too much for me. i was overwhelmed. i remember that the whole time people around me were singing, i was looking up at the ceiling. i had to. otherwise, my eyes won't stop crying. i don't know why or what i was crying about. i just did. i don't know if i was crying because i felt like a fraud amidst believers. or if i was crying because i want to have whatever they have. or it could be because at that time i felt like the biggest sinner on earth and i have no reason to be there. i honestly don't remember why i was crying. i just did and it made me uncomfortable.
uneasy and uncomfortable.
that's how i felt when i attended my first worship service. i thought i should just walk away and forget about getting to know the Lord. yet, i stayed and i continued to attend Sunday services since then. since june to present, i've only been absent twice (the ironman event and that time i woke up at 12 noon). i attend the service every Sunday because i love what i learn from the pastors. i love how they explain the significance of God's word to people's daily lives. while i still don't have full grips on my emotions, i usually come out renewed and refreshed, and with a new perspective. the week's message helps me get through the whole week.
looking back, i now know where my discomfort came from. it simply came from my lack of knowledge and relationship with the Lord. more than that, i think the discomfort is because of guilt. the guilt stems from the knowledge that the Lord had never forsaken me, He's always been there for me no matter the times in my life, and yet i remain stubborn in following His word. i don't know when i can truly make myself say, "yes, i'm 100% all yours, Lord," but i do know that when He wants me to, He can make it possible.
that's how i felt when i attended my first worship service. i thought i should just walk away and forget about getting to know the Lord. yet, i stayed and i continued to attend Sunday services since then. since june to present, i've only been absent twice (the ironman event and that time i woke up at 12 noon). i attend the service every Sunday because i love what i learn from the pastors. i love how they explain the significance of God's word to people's daily lives. while i still don't have full grips on my emotions, i usually come out renewed and refreshed, and with a new perspective. the week's message helps me get through the whole week.
looking back, i now know where my discomfort came from. it simply came from my lack of knowledge and relationship with the Lord. more than that, i think the discomfort is because of guilt. the guilt stems from the knowledge that the Lord had never forsaken me, He's always been there for me no matter the times in my life, and yet i remain stubborn in following His word. i don't know when i can truly make myself say, "yes, i'm 100% all yours, Lord," but i do know that when He wants me to, He can make it possible.
so yeah, as what i said in a previous post, i'm starting to believe in God's grace, and in His time, He will shower me or any one, for that matter, mercy. Isn't that something to look forward to?Romans 9:14-18 14 What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! 15 For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” 16 It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. 17 For Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” 18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.
bon jovi vs. grace
in high school, i had a seatmate who couldn't get enough of bon jovi. he'd talk about bon jovi and his band. his favorite was richie sambora. i'm only familiar with some of the band's song because of him. since that classmate and i sat together for most of sophomore and junior years, bon jovi songs grew on me. so, even after we graduated high school, i still became a fan of the band. in 2000, the band released their album "crush". the first single released in that album is a song entitled "it's my life".
fast forward to so many years, i got a job, had the chance to travel, and mortgaged a house. somehow, these things, although they bring great joy to me, just weren't enough. there's the feeling of emptiness that somehow couldn't be satisfied. i started seeking and looking for answers. one thing led to another, and i found myself reading the bible. one of the few scriptures that struck me are the following:
It's My Life Songwriters: Bon Jovi, Jon; Martin, Max; Sambora, Richard S; This ain't a song for the brokenhearted No silent prayer for the faith departed And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud It's my life It's now or never I ain't gonna live forever I just wanna live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said, "I did it my way" I just wanna live while I'm alive 'Cause it's my life This is for the ones who stood their ground For Tommy and Gina who never backed down Tomorrow's getting harder, make no mistake Luck ain't even lucky, gotta make your own breaks .... You better stand tall When they're calling you out Don't bend, don't break Baby, don't back down |
fast forward to so many years, i got a job, had the chance to travel, and mortgaged a house. somehow, these things, although they bring great joy to me, just weren't enough. there's the feeling of emptiness that somehow couldn't be satisfied. i started seeking and looking for answers. one thing led to another, and i found myself reading the bible. one of the few scriptures that struck me are the following:
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